Entry 005 - Sports Night 102 (The Apology)
In which we bear witness to an afternoon delight... sort of
SERIES: Sports Night
EPISODE NUMBER: 102
TITLE: The Apology
PREMIERE: 29 Sep 1998
DIRECTOR: Thomas Schlamme
“The Apology”, the second episode to the first season of Sports Night, arguably did a better job at establishing the show than its pilot, as it serves to introduce the tone of the show going forward more than the full comedy-leaning pilot. That doesn’t mean the comedy lean is completely gone, however — we’ll get more into it as we now step through this episode.
CASEY: Natalie, we might have something coming in from Chapel Hill, so tell Dana.
Wait, really? I was joking about Chapel Hill in my last entry…
NEW Sorkin Name: Mandy/Madeline
DAN: If I’m nervous about anything, it’s that I think I have a stalker.
NATALIE: A stalker? Who?
DAN: One of the CSC morning aerobics women.
NATALIE: Sandy?
DAN: Is her name Sandy?
NATALIE: Randy?
DAN: Mandy.
NATALIE: Mandy!
DANA: Madeline!
Hold on — in what universe is “Mandy” short for “Madeline”? The name’s not supposed to be an anagram!
NEW Sorkin Name: Ted
CASEY: Can you hang on a second, Ted? Thanks. (to DAN) What?
DAN: Natalie says my stalker’s name is Mandy.
CASEY: Really? (Dan nods) I don’t know what the hell we’re talking about.
“Is there a minister handy or something?”
CASEY: (to KIM) I want you to work Ted Lewis. Get him to say they’re firing Zapoda and they’re promoting the offensive coordinator, it’s on line 12.
KIM: (picks up phone) Ted, it’s Kim! You were in town and you didn’t call me!
Oh, good lord — surely the person on the other end of the line knows she does that with everyone?
DAN: It’s not like I’m not used to being written about.
CASEY: … Yeah, sure.
DAN: Right?
CASEY: Once again, I don’t know what the hell we’re talking about.
“Me neither!” This is the first instance we’ve come across so far where Mr. Sorkin has the characters know more than the audience about something important and slowly brings the audience in over the course of the episode. It’s hard to consider that remarkable these days, but back when these episodes first aired that wasn’t something typically done in television. Mr. Sorkin was a pioneer in that regard.
DANA: Hey, look, everybody. It’s two sports anchors, and that’s a good break for us, ‘cause we’re about to do a sports show.
CASEY: Sarcasm, thy name is Dana.
“Get thee to a standup club!”
NEW Sorkin Player: Jeff Mooring
Character: Dave
DAVE: 30 seconds.
Yes, the actor playing Dave got replaced after the pilot. Yes, the character’s name is Dave in the pilot — it says so in the pilot script. Yes, this new actor will come up again later.
ELLIOT: Toby Bennes has a no-hitter in the seventh.
DANA: Put Bennes in the teaser, if he takes it to the ninth, we’ll patch it in on 1.
…
JEREMY: We shouldn’t put it in the tease.
DANA: Why not?
JEREMY: It’s bad luck.
DANA: It’s bad luck.
JEREMY: To talk about a no-hitter.
DANA: It’s back luck for the pitcher.
JEREMY: Yes.
DANA: We don’t work for the pitcher.
Do you suppose the pitcher just sneezed?
CASEY: And we’ll take you to Jacobs Field where Toby Bennes is working a no-hitter in the seventh — all that coming up after this. You’re watching Sports Night on CSC, so stick around.
…
JEREMY: About teasing the no-hitter — it was a tough call, and I just wanted to tell you that while I didn’t agree with the decision, I have a lot of respect for you for making it.
ELLIOT: Bennes just lost the no-hitter.
JEREMY: (touches Dana’s hand) Don’t blame yourself.
DANA: (touches it back) Thank you.
Sarcasm, thy name is Dana, indeed.
For those of you who did a double-take like I did on seeing the name “Tom Brady” in the opening credits — no, it’s not the same guy. Thank fuck…
CASEY: I’m concerned about this sense, this sense in everything that’s written about the two of us that Dan is cool and that I am… what is the word?
KIM: Not.
CASEY: Yes! That Dan is cool and I am not. There is this sense, there is this perception…
“There is this notion, there is this impression, there’s this collective consciousness…”
CASEY: Where do you think this perception comes from?
DANA: I think it comes from reality.
Ouch… just hit him over the head, why dontcha?
DANA: How much trouble is Dan gonna be in?
CASEY: Depends on if Sachs has seen it.
DANA: Sachs has seen it.
CASEY: It’s been on the newsstand for four hours and Sachs has seen it?
DANA: Sachs has seen it.
CASEY: Well, then we can anticipate a certain degree of trouble.
Fun fact! The Sachs surname here was actually reused by Mr. Sorkin from his earlier stageplay Hidden in This Picture, where Sachs is one of the two unseen financiers of the film being shot in that play.
RETURNING Dialogue Motif: Kinks in the system
Previous instance: The American President
DANA: Didn’t Isaac tell you to keep an eye out for him when the two of you are doing press?
CASEY: Yes.
DANA: What happened?
CASEY: I’m working out some kinks in the system.
The implication that Isaac considers it necessary to have Casey keep an eye on Dan for press is arguably a turnaround from how Casey and Dan were set up in the pilot, where Dan is established to have a better relationship with the network than Casey. That establishment in the pilot gets ignored further in future episodes, almost as if we’re expected to ignore the pilot altogether on that front.
CASEY: Dana, he belongs to a fly-by-night organization that supports the legalization of marijuana and he said so in a magazine.
+1 to audience awareness.
CASEY: Is the network gonna be happy about it? No. Is Sachs going to order someone to order someone to slap him in the knuckles? Probably.
“He may even order someone to order someone to order someone.”
NEW Dialogue Motif: “Dig” double-take
CASEY: In the scheme of things, a much larger issue is that I am cool, I’m completely cool! Huh?
DANA: … You dress cool.
CASEY: That’s right… wait, that was a dig, wasn’t it?
“Whatever gave you that idea?”
NATALIE: I may have certain feelings for Jeremy
CASEY: Ah.
NATALIE: I think it’s possible that I have feelings.
CASEY: Okay.
NATALIE: I think these feelings could interfere with my judgement as far as his work is concerned.
CASEY: I admire your professionalism.
NATALIE: These feelings have been growing inside of me like a rush or a surge…
So much for the professionalism — really has been a while for you, has it?
CASEY: I couldn’t help but notice by the elevators this morning that Mandy the aerobics stalker seemed to be showing no interest in you whatsoever.
DAN: That’s how the game is played.
CASEY: Oh, yeah.
DAN: Her disinterest was a performance.
“It’s like that ‘I’m Not Looking at You’ game you play with a cat.”
NEW Topical Signature: Drug crisis — criminal vs. medical
DAN: Casey, they completely missed the point. I didn’t know they were going to completely miss the point three months in advance.
CASEY: Well, what was the point?
DAN: The point was that any law that makes criminals out of 15 million Americans is probably not such a good idea. The point was that drug abuse isn’t a criminal issue, it’s a health care issue — and the money and manpower that we spend prosecuting a surfer in San Diego might better be used fighting things that genuinely threaten our national health and safety, that was the point.
CASEY: … Well, they completely missed the point.
Yeah, it’s almost like a men’s fashion magazine isn’t the best place for political discussions.
CASEY: I love music, I have a great appreciation of music.
DAN: Dude, I’ve been in your car, you’ve got the Starland Vocal Band singing “Afternoon Delight”.
CASEY: That’s right — wait, I do not have the Starland Vocal Band, it’s not like I went out and bought the single. It’s on my Time-Life Sounds of the Seventies.
I think Mr. Sorkin may be exposing himself here — “Afternoon Delight” is indeed on one of the 40 volumes for Sounds of the Seventies from Time-Life Music. I wonder how often he would swap out the discs in his car…
NEW Dialogue Motif: Disabuse you[rself] of the notion
CASEY: How can I be cool again? I’m a newly divorced man, I’m young, I used to be cool, I need to be cool again. Help me be cool again.
DAN: … Well, first, I’d have to disabuse you of the notion that you were ever cool before.
Ouch, again — everybody just pile on Casey, I guess.
NEW Verbal Tic: How ya doin’
DAN: Isaac’s on my team, Isaac understands me. Isaac has a highly developed sense of right and wrong, and he is hip to my battle plan.
CASEY: Danny, he’s standing right behind you.
DAN: (turns around, then gets up) How ya doin’? Casey and I were just talking about your highly developed sense of right and wrong and I was saying that I —
ISAAC: Go sit your sorry ass down in that meeting.
DAN: On my war, sir. (exits)
You don’t mess with him, man, he has a theoretical physicist on speed-dial.
NEW Dialogue Motif: Let’s assume not
CASEY: Hey, Isaac?
ISAAC: Yeah?
CASEY: You think I’m cool, don’t you?
ISAAC: (pause) Do I look like I’m in the mood to do this now?
CASEY: Not really.
ISAAC: Then let’s assume that I’m not. (exits)
God, I fucking love you, Robert…
NEW Sorkin Player: David Graf
Character: Chase
DAN: I was not encouraging people to take drugs, that’s ridiculous.
CHASE: That’s how it reads.
DAN: That’s not how it reads to me.
CHASE: That’s how it reads to us.
DAN: You’re reading it wrong.
RETURNING Sorkin Name: Luther
Previous instance: A Few Good Men
CHASE: That’s how it reads to Luther Sachs.
Then he’s reading it wrong as well — you gotta keep up.
NEW Sorkin Player: Aaron Lustig
Character: Stanley
STANLEY: I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re fighting a war against drugs in this country.
NEW Dialogue Motif: How’s it going so far
DAN: How’s it going so far?
“Well, the United States incarcerates more people per capita than any other country on the planet, so, uh, swimmingly!”
STANLEY: Howard Stern did fifteen minutes on you this morning. He said that Dan Rydell lends a whole new meaning to the word ‘highlights’.
Yeah, and how exactly do you think he came up with that joke?
CHASE: Our sponsors expect us to project an image of good health and clean living.
DAN: I’ll think about that the next time I’m reporting on how the Miller Genuine Draft car did in the Winston Cup.
I suppose I should probably defend RAI’s honor in the face of that joke given my hometown, but… nah.
NEW Plot Bunny: Apology refusal
CHASE: Luther Sachs suggests an apology.
DAN: (pause) An apology?
CHASE: He suggests you take a moment tonight during your broadcast —
DAN: He wants an on-air apology?
CHASE: He’s suggesting —
DAN: To whom?
STANLEY: To you! He’s suggesting to you —
DAN: To whom does he want me to apologize?
CHASE: To your viewers.
…
DAN: Well, thank him for his suggestion, but tell him I’m going to respectfully pass.
CHASE: Why don’t we just skip down to the end of the page?
“Heck, if it were up to me I’d skip the page altogether.”
RETURNING Sorkin Name: Stanley
Previous instance: Malice
DAN: Are you now saying what I did was immoral? Because Luther Sachs doesn’t agree with me?
STANLEY: Most of the country doesn’t agree with you!
DAN: (beat) The validity of your read on what most of the country thinks notwithstanding, Stanley… actions are immoral. Opinions are not.
That is a gross oversimplification! I’ll grant the premise for now, though…
NEW Verbal Tic: From time to time
NEW Dialogue Motif: Raise the level of debate
DAN: Discussion is good, and for those of us fortunate enough to be the subject of magazine articles, it may be our responsibility from time to time to try to raise the level of debate.
“Which, given how low discourse is these days, is not that large of a lift…”
CHASE: You’re quoted in the article as saying you haven’t taken drugs in eleven years — eleven years today, as a matter of fact.
DAN: … And that’s true.
STANLEY: Eleven is an odd number.
DAN: Yeah, and it’s also a prime number.
It’s also a numeric palindrome!
CHASE: You didn’t say, “10 or 15 years,” you said, “11 years ago today.” This caught the attention of our insurance company because this is normally the kind of information that only a recovering addict or alcoholic has at their fingertips.
+2 to audience awareness.
NEW Plot Bunny: Black faux pas
DAN: You think I should apologize?
ISAAC: No, but you’re going to anyway.
DAN: Why?
ISAAC: Because this is television and this is how it’s done.
DAN: Yeah, well, sitting at the back of the bus was how it was done until a 42-year-old lady moved up front. I’m not very impressed with how things are done, Isaac.
Isaac’s mind, probably: “Aw, hell naw, did he really just say that?”
ISAAC: Be that as it may — we’ll do it tonight, that’s all. We’re done.
STANLEY: You know, you might —
ISAAC: We’re done, Stanley.
…
ISAAC: Danny?
DAN: Yeah?
ISAAC: You know I love you, don’t you?
DAN: Yeah.
ISAAC: And because I love you I can say this — no rich, young White guy ever got anywhere with me comparing himself to Rosa Parks.
“It was at this moment that he knew… he fucked up.”
Isaac’s role as a benevolent boss continues here: he actively shields Dan from the network in having them leave before the temperature of the room boils over, then ensures the network is gone before verbally slapping down Dan for his Black faux pas. There wasn’t even a bit of hesitation from Isaac in dismissing the network goons after Dan put his foot in his mouth, despite rightfully having every opportunity to tear Dan a new one in that moment. Any telling off of his employees is done privately while he makes himself all smiles as the only point of contact the network has with the show.
ISAAC: Got it?
DAN: Yes, sir.
ISAAC: Good. (leaves)
“Wait, why are you leaving your own office?”
NEW Verbal Tic: You bet
CASEY: Hey, Jeremy, you got a second?
JEREMY: (removes egg from his mouth and drops it) You bet.
Once again, Jeremy’s character appears to be intended as the physical comedy medium for the show. His eagerness to empty his mouth to speak to Casey feels to me like we’re continuing the “lean” I described for the pilot episode. I sincerely hope he’ll clean up after himself afterward? (Or is that against union rules?)
CASEY: Usually, we get, uh, 30 to 40 seconds for each game — a little bit more if it’s a game chock full of spectacular plays and/or playoff consequences, and, uh, a little bit less if it goes the other way, but 30 to 40 seconds is usually the rule of thumb.
JEREMY: I see — and how long did mine run?
CASEY: Eight and a half minutes.
JEREMY: Ah.
Nope, I’m not buying it. Jeremy stated (well, shouted, really) in the pilot that he had seen every single broadcast of Sports Night since its inception — an original airdate he was able to recite down to the day. There’s no possible way Jeremy hasn’t come to understand the idiom of a highlight package for said broadcast. And yet…
CASEY: We have fourteen baseball games to cover.
FOURTEEN!
CASEY: Thirty seconds apiece.
JEREMY: Right.
CASEY: Your tape is eight and a half minutes.
JEREMY: I’m at a loss.
CASEY: You gotta make it shorter!
JEREMY: I’m just not seeing it.
My guy, this is a news program, not a sportscast — and you know it! (sigh)
RETURNING Sorkin Name: Dave/David
Previous instances: A Few Good Men; Malice; The American President (x2)
DANA: Dave, is it the monitors or is the background on the drop starting to look beige?
DAVE: It’s not beige, it’s tan.
WILL: It’s the gels.
CHRIS: It’s not the gels, it’s the monitors.
WILL: It’s the gels.
DANA: Well, take a look at it, ‘cause it’s starting to give me a headache.
CHRIS: You want some aspirin?
DANA: I want you to fix the monitors.
WILL: It’s the gels.
DANA: Take it outside!
I see we’re establishing Will and Chris as Those Two Guys™… and once again, I have no idea what they’re talking about, but it sounds good.
DANA: Dan needs a little time before the second break. We’ll come out of Kyle’s remote, Casey will throw it to Dan for 45 seconds, and he’ll take us to commercial.
KIM: He’s really going to apologize?
DANA: Yeah.
ELLIOT: To who?
Whom, Elliot!
DANA: Have you checked on the guys?
NATALIE: Dan’s in research and Casey’s in editing with Jeremy.
DANA: Do they need anything?
NATALIE: Casey needs a woman.
Bechtel Test status: FAIL
I know there are a good deal of people out there who will say Jeremy is their least favorite character in this show — and if they only watched the first two episodes of this series I’d understand why — but for me, my least favorite character is actually Natalie. In the first season, her primary purpose legitimately seems to be to fulfill the role of the Walking Bechtel Test Failure™. That mercifully goes away for the second season (for the most part), but another change to her character in that season serves to offset that improvement, which I’ll get into more when we get there. In the meantime:
NATALIE: He’s reaching out!
DANA: He’s not reaching out.
NATALIE: He’s reaching right out to you.
DANA: He’s not reaching anywhere near me.
NATALIE: You’re missing the signs.
DANA: I’m not missing the signs. (beat) Wait, really?
NATALIE: (walking away) Reaching right out to you!
No, he’s not reaching out to her, shut the fuck up!
JEREMY: Casey and I are having some very healthy creative differences.
NATALIE: Casey listens to the Starland Vocal Band, so I wouldn’t take any stock —
CASEY: Go away from me now!
At least he listens to actual music, sister.foreshadowing detected
CASEY: Just out of curiosity, what voiceover would you have me write for this moment?
JEREMY: What’s wrong with ‘the storm clouds are gathering’?
CASEY: The storm clouds aren’t gathering, he’s cleaning his shoe!
JEREMY: He’s breaking Carrera’s pitching rhythm.
CASEY: … The battle?
JEREMY: The battle.
CASEY: The battle. Look —
JEREMY: If people just want the score they can listen to the radio. We have an opportunity to affect their appreciation of baseball!
CASEY: God knows you’ve affected mine…
Jeremy… brother… are you implying that you’re wanting to fundamentally change the format of the show you’ve watched religiously from its beginnings? Was that your goal all along? … Or is this just a plot hole?
DANA: I gotta make room for Danny’s apology. Just give me the double off the wall, the homer in the fifth, and the error at third.
JEREMY: That’s a travesty!
No, it isn’t! It’s the standard for the news broadcast you revere! Shut up!
DANA: Casey?
CASEY: Yeah?
DANA: Do you have spoons?
CASEY: … I’m sorry?
DANA: Do you have spoons, and a fork?
CASEY: Do I have spoons and a fork?
DANA: To eat with.
CASEY: Yeah, I know what they’re for…
Abort, Dana. Abort! ABORT!
DANA: You got a whisk?
DAMNIT, DANA!
CASEY: A whisk?
DANA: Yes.
CASEY: That’s the thing you…
DANA: Uh, for scrambled eggs, y-you stir it really fast in a bowl… (pantomimes stirring)
CASEY: (pause) I can’t just use the fork?
DANA: (aborting) Truthfully, yes.
CASEY: I gotta go change.
What was that about ‘the signs’ again, Natalie?!
CASEY: … where the Bears were two for nine inside the red zone. For that, we’ll take you to Kelly Kirkpatrick in Chicago. Kelly?
KELLY: (over monitor) Thanks, Casey…
DAVE: Dan, Casey, we’ll be back on you in 45 seconds.
Woah, hold on — you mean to tell me anchors don’t even listen to their field reporters during a broadcast? That just seems mean…
ISAAC: Jeremy, you did a good job on the Cubs-Marlins game.
JEREMY: I only wish you could’ve seen the tape before the life was sucked out of it by forces entirely beyond my control.
DANA: Jeremy…
ISAAC: I know exactly how you feel.
DANA: Quiet, please.
Wait — did you just tell your boss to be quiet, Dana?
CASEY: Thank you, Kelly Kirkpatrick. We’ll be bringing you more on that story on NFL Kickoff, Sunday morning 10 o’clock Eastern Standard Time, and 1 o’clock if you’re watching us… in Brussels.
Uh… huh? Is there a Brussels in Cabo Verde or something? Otherwise, you’re three hours off. What happened to the fact checker we had in the pilot?
DAN: This network, the Continental Sports Channel, has asked me to clarify some remarks I made in a publication that hit your newsstands this morning. It is possible that one could come away from this article with the impression that I don’t believe that drugs are a destructive and deadly force on our culture, our economy, and on the lives of our children. (stops)
(awkward pause)
NATALIE: Uh-oh…
DAVE: Talk to me, Dana.
Trust me, you don’t want her to do that, Dave — unless you feel like talking about silverware.
RETURNING Sorkin Name: Sam
Previous instance: A Few Good Men
DAN: I have a younger brother named Sam. Sam’s a genius — I mean literally. As a kid, he tested off the charts. The first computer I ever had, he built from a kit he bought with money he earned tutoring other kids in math.
Hmm… early-to-mid eighties, there would have been a good deal of pre-built personal computers already on the market, so building your own probably wouldn’t have been the norm — and at that point, it arguably would have taken just as much brainpower to use one of those pre-built computers proficiently as it would have taken to build one from scratch anyway. I don’t think we can say Sam was ahead of his time, at least.
DAN: And there’s no doubt that he’d be living a great life right now, except for that he’s dead.
+3 to audience awareness.
DAN: ‘Cause when you’re fourteen years old, all you ever really wanna be when you grow up is your sixteen-year-old brother… and in my case, that meant smoking a lot of dope. (beat) The day I went off to college was the day that Sam got his driver’s license… and he celebrated by taking a drive with some of his friends… drunk, and high as a paper kite. (beat) He never saw the red light that he ran… and he probably never saw the 18-wheel truck that put him in the side of a brick bank, either. (long pause) That was eleven years ago tonight.
+95 to audience awareness! Mr. Sorkin’s drip-feeding of the backstory here gets the massive payoff it deserves — a payoff that arguably shouldn’t typically happen on a comedy show…
DAN: And I just wanted to say — I’m sorry, Sam. You deserved better in my hands… and I apologize.
Now THAT’S an apology!
CASEY: (slowly moves his chair closer) Can I just say one more thing about the Starland Vocal Band?
DAN: (visibly fighting a smile) Sure.
And that’s the act of a true friend, right there — bringing up a silly topic to ease the tension in the room. You can definitely tell Dan appreciates it from the way he reacts to the question, as hesitant as he likely was to say it out loud.
NEW Dialogue Motif: Now they tell me
CASEY: 1978, they win the Grammy for Best New Artist — you know who they beat? Elvis Costello. Now, is it your belief that Elvis Costello isn’t cool?
DAN: No, it’s my belief that the Grammy voters aren’t cool.
CASEY: Now they tell me…
For the record: the Starland Vocal Band won their Grammy in 1977, not 1978, and the runner-up artist they beat was Boston, not Elvis Costello. Elvis Costello wouldn’t be nominated (and lose) until 1979. Once again, it appears the show’s fact checker was on vacation this week.
CASEY: Who else isn’t cool that I thought was cool? Is Nicholson cool?
DAN: Oh, yeah, Nicholson’s cool.
CASEY: J.D. Salinger?
DAN: Yes.
CASEY: The Muppets?
DAN: Yes, but not Barney.
Man, Barney-bashing really has been a thing for a while, hasn’t it?
CASEY: Zamphir, Master of the Pan Flute?
DAN: Very, very cool.
I’m not going to make an official Sorkinism out of this since it only happened within Sports Night, but this won’t be the last mention of Zamphir, Master of the Pan Flute. He’ll be suiting up in a future episode!
(sigh) Alright, once again, I have mixed feelings about this episode. The development of Dan’s character and the shift of tone that came with it is a welcome change to what we got out of the pilot and establishes a template for how other characters will be getting developed going forward. The establishment of Natalie as a shipper-on-deck, however, serves to sour this episode for me — and indeed, serves to sour the series overall for me, as I’m sure I’ll discuss in future entries. That Jeremy’s subplot feels thoroughly implausible certainly doesn’t help this episode’s case, but we’ll be getting a remedy to that shortly.
You know who’s actually an unsung hero of this episode, though? Peter Krause. I didn’t talk about it as we stepped through the episode, but that man’s performance in this episode is subtly impeccable. His performance more than any of the others manages to balance the go-forward dramatic tone of the show with the comedy demanded of the format in a manner that I would say wouldn’t be out of place in any other Sorkin work where both drama and comedy are demanded of its performers. Josh Charles does take a close second in that regard, but Peter takes the cake in this episode, I’d say. Other characters will be stepping up to their level in future episodes.
If you haven’t yet, I’d highly recommend that you subscribe to this blog so that you can be notified when the next entry comes out, whenever that will be. Coming up next: is it time for Bambi’s Batman arc?
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