Entry 029 - Sports Night 201 (Special Powers)
In which we're standing here
SERIES: Sports Night
EPISODE NUMBER: 201
TITLE: Special Powers
PREMIERE: 5 Oct 1999
DIRECTOR: Thomas Schlamme
It occurs to me that the production history of Sports Night can be compared with that of M*A*S*H. Both series suffered initially from its creators’ fighting their network against having a laugh track and losing, only to have the laugh track mercifully removed from the show down the line. In the case of Sports Night, of course, that mercy-kill came considerably sooner, and without the cost of losing the creators of the series. Where M*A*S*H has Sports Night beat, of course, is that its seasons employing the laugh track have two syndicated versions available: one with the laugh track and one without the laugh track. For the love of all that is extant, ABC, make that fucking happen with Sports Night.
It becomes immediately clear upon starting this episode that the show has outgrown its laugh track, as it starts with another massively long sequence of no dialogue for a Sorkin work, its only interruption being Casey’s fumbling over words in the elevator before getting cockblocked by new entrants. Whether the sequence properly establishes the actual tone of the second season of Sports Night is another question, however, and at this point I’m not entirely certain of the answer. Ask me again in nine months, perhaps — for now, let’s get into the meat of the episode.
DAN: There’s a statute of limitations.
CASEY: So you’ve said.
DAN: And it’s 90 days.
“Statute of limitations”? Did one of them commit a crime?
DAN: It’s just the time is right and I don’t want you to be scared.
CASEY: I appreciate that, but I’m not scared.
DAN: You’ve been telling me for three months that you are scared.
CASEY: Well… I am scared.
DAN: Right, and I don’t want you to be.
CASEY: Yeah, that’s great, but fear doesn’t really work like that.
Yeah, Dan — you might as well have told him to relax.
DANA: I moved up DeNardio.
JEREMY: This trumps DeNardio.
DANA: Talk to me.
JEREMY: Cho Chang, a Chinese swimmer, is swimming the Taiwan Strait from Pescadores, or Penghu, to Dongdingdao, and there’s some question as to whether the mainland Chinese government is gonna let her come ashore. Some quick facts — the island is separated from South China by the 161 kilometer-wide strait and together with Matsu and Quemoy forms the seat of the government of the Republic of China, which of course claims the right to rule all China.
Mostly correct, aside from some questionable pronunciation — and good god, is it nice to have Dana’s disinterested silence in response not punctuated by a laugh track.
NATALIE: Where’s Dana?
JEREMY: She’s in [the sound —]
NATALIE: [Not] you.
I’m sorry?
JEREMY: Natalie, [don’t —]
NATALIE: [Listen], Chun King, if you want to say something to me, you say it to somebody else.
Oh, great, I guess Jeremy and Natalie are going to be the subjects of this season’s Conflict Ball. Yippee.
CASEY: We’re wingin’ the tease tonight, Alyson.
ALYSON: Good luck.
CASEY: Flyin’ without a script for eighteen seconds — living on the edge.
DAN: Living over the edge.
If they’re anything like Mr. Sorkin himself, these guys desperately need a script.
DAN: (simultaneously) [Good evening. From New York City, I’m Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall.]
CASEY: (simultaneously) [Good evening. From New York City, I’m Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell.]
(DAN and CASEY pause)
DAN: [Those stories, plus —]
CASEY: [Those stories, plus —]
(DAN and CASEY pause again)
DAN: (under his breath) You go.
CASEY: Those stories, plus Tony DeNardio has a new job, and won’t be wearing crimson; Team Penske is driving on tires that won’t be wearing down; and the Eagles have a placekicker who won’t be wearing out his welcome.
See? They trip over each other, and even when they get their shit together Casey is slow and chewing over his words. We won’t be seeing them at an improv club anytime soon.
DANA: Jeremy, did they change the interoffice system?
JEREMY: They switched us [over from the —]
NATALIE: [Was she talking] to you?
JEREMY: (beat) I’m pretty sure she was, yes.
What in the world, Natalie…
CASEY: I can’t, you know, become this thing that I’m not.
DAN: You are this thing that you’re not.
ISAAC: Is it possible I forgot to tell you about being pushed to 11:10 for lumber sports?
DANA: Yes, Isaac, it is entirely possible that you forgot to tell me!
ISAAC: Well, you had the network feed —
DANA: We didn’t have the network feed. We turned off the network feed.
ISAAC: Why?
DANA: Will’s afraid of lumber sports.
ISAAC: What the [hell —]
DANA: [He’s] afraid of the axes and the saws, he thinks they’re gonna cut themselves.
To be fair to Will, when he thinks lumber sports he’s probably thinking of those axe throwing events where there’s beer available. I wouldn’t want to be within fifty feet of that, either.
RETURNING Verbal Tic: How ya doin’
Running count: 19
ISAAC: So, how ya doin’?
DANA: Who cares how I’m doing? Isaac, I’ve gotta go start the show again. This is the craziest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.
ISAAC: Well, then you’ve gotta live more, Dana, ‘cause there’s some crazy-ass stuff out there.
Airdate: 5 Oct 1999 — thank fuck Mr. Guillaume isn’t alive to see things now…
DAN: What’s the worst that could happen, hmm?
CASEY: She could say no, she could laugh, and then I’d feel sad and ashamed for a long time, and I already did that for eleven years.
Oh, please, like a single rejection would be any more shameful than conforming to the standards of toxic heteronormativity for eleven years…
DANA: Hello, my name is Dana Whitaker, I’m the execute producer of Sports Night and I’m interrupting this broadcast to tell you that Casey took gymnastics after school for seven years. How’s he looking to you now, girls?
See? It’s not like getting rejected by that would be that big of a deal.
DANA: It’s like he didn’t even care.
CASEY: Isaac?
DANA: Yeah — he forgot to tell me?
DAN: I think it’d be great if we all stop worrying about Isaac.
DANA: I think it’d be great if he stopped giving us cause to worry.
Oh, we’re back to this, are we? Much like with Natalie last season, we have the staff of Sports Night going behind the backs of one of their colleagues to cover for said colleague as if they’re incapable of fending for themselves.
DAN: Right there, you know what that was?
CASEY: What?
DAN: Another missed opportunity — you miss enough of them and the ballgame’s over.
TED talk recommendation for you fine folks: Al Vernacchio gave a talk back in 2013 in which he contends the baseball metaphor for sex (“first base”, etc.) is unhealthy, as it turns sex into a goal-based competition where “winning” is the primary objective, rather than the cooperative experience it should be. Dan seems to be perpetuating the baseball metaphor with this line, and I am so over it.
DAN: We’ve got Columbus, Colorado, DC, and LA — four soccer highlights, pinch me.
(beep) Sarcasm Self Test complete! (beep)
JEREMY: I want to say, while acknowledging that not everyone shares each other’s view of the world, and while most situations between two or more people involve various shades of grey as opposed to [black and white —]
NATALIE: [What are you] trying [to say?]
JEREMY: [I’m trying] to say that I’m right and you’re wrong. What’s more, you know I’m right and you’re wrong.
NATALIE: No, you mean you’re right and I’m cute.
Yep, definitely a Conflict Ball episode for these two — I’m already feeling done with this episode.
JEREMY: Natalie, they wanted you to be a damn weathergirl.
NATALIE: They wanted me for local sports and human interest.
…
JEREMY: You weren’t gonna get to do any writing. You weren’t gonna get to do any reporting. They were gonna hand you wire copy and dress [you great.]
NATALIE: [I understand] that, Jeremy! I’ve been doing this a few years. I’m talking about your being upset I got the offer at all.
…
JEREMY: … I don’t know what’s so wrong about being bummed because you might move to Galveston, Texas.
NATALIE: Nothing — except that’s not what you were bummed about. (leaves)
Seriously? You just whisk yourself away out of the room after leaving that big of a hole in the conversation? Jeremy brought up some legitimate points, but you insinuate his objection is more personal then don’t even stay behind to defend that point? Good god, this character…
RETURNING Topical Signature: Soccer sucks
Previous instances: Sports Night 103, 111
DAN: I know we promised you soccer highlights, so let me just tell you that Columbus beat Miami one-nothing, Dallas beat San Jose one-nothing, Chicago beat Colorado one-nothing, and New England beat Kansas City two-one in an offensive slugfest. A modest proposal — make the nets bigger.
Forget that, let’s make the field smaller instead.
DAN: You got a better idea?
…
CASEY: How about a smaller net and no goalie?
DAN: I like it.
CASEY: Yeah, like basketball.
Or maybe the net should be a field goal post instead? Let’s think big, people.
CASEY: Do you get that there are certain ways in which I’m not like you?
DAN: Yes.
CASEY: You walk up to women, you’re that guy.
Oh, yeah, that’s sure not to change any time soon…sarcasm detected
ISAAC: ‘Make the nets bigger’?
DAN: Either that or a lot smaller and get rid of the goalies.
ISAAC: Dan, this network has a three-year deal with Major League Soccer.
Really? How did Continental Corp manage to swing that with as many times as Dan has slagged soccer on the air?
DAN: Isaac, you can’t work full time.
ISAAC: I have to.
DAN: Why?
ISAAC: Because they pay me to.
DAN: You had a stroke.
ISAAC: Is that what that was?
DAN: Yes.
ISAAC: (beat) I thought it was bad swordfish.
“In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have had dinner at Peter Graves’s house.”
DAN: Is this about the network?
ISAAC: Is what about the network?
DAN: You’re trying to do more than you can do. I wanna know if this about Luther and J.J. and feeling heat from CSC.
ISAAC: Danny —
DAN: They see you’re weak and they’re coming after the show, is that what’s happening?
ISAAC: Listen, [let me —]
DAN: [Is that why] you’re working when you shouldn’t be working? Give me names, Isaac. After your funeral or memorial service, I want to know who I go see.
Hot damn — the Sports Night staff’s dedication to Isaac Jaffee gets rather aggressively verbalized in this moment. Dan’s concern is of course legitimate, given what we saw from J.J. last season and what we heard of Luther Sachs. That Isaac is quick to brush it off provides continuity for his pursuit of shielding his staff from the network, which at this point paradoxically makes the staff more eager to intercede on his behalf.
DAN: Admit that it’s harder now.
ISAAC: I have no trouble admitting that.
DAN: Ask people to do things for you.
ISAAC: Like what?
DAN: Like getting you a drink.
ISAAC: Why?
DAN: Because you’ve been walking over to that bar for, like, a half an hour now.
(ISAAC laughs)
Hey, if he’s able to laugh about it still, I’d say he doesn’t need as much help as Dan probably thinks.
RETURNING Verbal Tic: [I’m] not your X
Running count: 2
ISAAC: On your best day, you make about ten mistakes — and if you don’t believe me, let’s take a look at the file tape on tonight’s teaser.
DAN: That was my fault.
ISAAC: I’ll say! I made a mistake just like the ones I used to make — and there was a time when you and Casey would come in here and beat the hell out of me ‘til tears were coming out of my eyes I was laughing so hard. (beat) I’m not your damn grandfather, don’t treat me that way. When I screw up, I don’t want you coming in here for The Talk — I wanna hear some chatter out there.
You know… all this talk I’ve given before about found family feels somewhat contradicted by Isaac’s insisting he not be treated like a grandfather. At the same time, what he’s asking for is to keep being treated like family like he was being treated before, so my point about found family still stands, as far as I’m concerned. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say he prefers to be placed elsewhere on the Sports Night family tree?
NATALIE: I saw an ugly side of you come out.
JEREMY: You think you saw —
NATALIE: I know what I saw…
No you don’t, Natalie, shut the fuck up.
RETURNING Dialogue Motif: Special powers™
Previous instances: Sports Night 104, 121
NATALIE: Men harbor this illusion that they can cover up their, you know, with this other thing, but women always know.
JEREMY: No, they don’t. You know why not? ‘Cause women don’t have special powers, let’s dispense with that theory right now. Women don’t have a sixth sense, women don’t have intuition, they don’t have special powers. You were being offered a job in Galveston. That meant I was gonna have to, like, go there! I was gonna have to go and live there and get a job in Galveston — and I wasn’t gonna get offered a job in broadcasting, it was gonna be ranch work for me, okay? Or big game fishing! Either way, my life has taken an abrupt and bizarre turn because one minute I’m paying my bills with money I’m earning at my dream job while dating the most beautiful woman on the planet, and the next minute I’m on a cattle drive and I’m dating the weathergirl from Good Morning, Galveston — and I’d have done it! I’d have moved to Galveston with the heat and the cattle and the malaria, I’d have done it because that’s how much I love you and that’s how much I want what you want, but you can’t expect me to be wild about the idea!
Preach it, man! Stick it to her!
JEREMY: The thing is, your instinct wasn’t entirely [wrong.]
NATALIE: [I know.]
Fucking goddammit…
JEREMY: I deem that the fight is officially over.
NATALIE: Excellent — I deem I’m coming to bed tonight in your tuxedo shirt, high heels, and nothing else.
JEREMY: Excellent.
ELLIOT: Guys?
NATALIE: Tell me women don’t have special powers.
Women don’t have special powers. There, I told you.
CASEY: Danny’s been talking to me all week about the statute of limitations.
DANA: Have you committed a crime?
Hey, that’s what I said!
CASEY: No, Danny was talking about that it’s been 90 days since you broke off the engagement with Gordon and that that was my opportunity to, you know, to — if I was gonna — to ask you out. That was my opportunity to ask you out.
…
DANA: Sixty days.
CASEY: What?
DANA: It’s 60 days. Whatcha been waiting on, McCall?
CASEY: I was…
DANA: Huh?
CASEY: (beat) I was, you know, waiting.
DANA: You were waiting for what, St. Swithin’s Day?
Objection! St. Swithin’s Day is 15 July, which falls in the middle of the 90 day period that’s just elapsed!
RETURING Verbal Tic: No kidding/shit
Running count: 3
CASEY: I was waiting the proper 90 days, the way I was taught.
DANA: Yeah, well, whoever taught you taught you wrong.
CASEY: It was Danny.
DANA: No kidding.
Okay, let’s be real here — if Dana thought the statute was 60 days rather than 90 days, why didn’t she ask Casey out thirty days ago rather than wait for the other way around? Once again, I’m feeling the burn of toxic heteronormativity plague my screen.
RETURNING Verbal Tic: Standing (t)here
Running count: 4
DANA: Casey?
CASEY: Yeah?
DANA: I’m standing here.
CASEY: Right, all I was thinking was that I have to be back on the air in, uh, just a short time.
DANA: Right.
CASEY: And squeezing this in between the Tim Nieuwendyk and the NFL injury report seems, uh…
DANA: You’re right.
CASEY: Aren’t I?
DANA: Yes.
Yep — last time they were this intimate before a show she got mascara on his shirt, who knows what could happen with a kiss.
(CASEY leaves the office, then turns around and comes back in to kiss DANA)
Oh, I guess we’re about to find out.
DAN: What’s with the look?
CASEY: What look?
DAN: On your face, the look on your face.
CASEY: I’m just feelin’ good.
I see not a hint of mascara there, so job well done, I guess.
JEREMY: I keep thinking about Cho Chang and her swim to freedom.
NATALIE: I keep thinking about three-inch heels.
JEREMY: Okay, that’s what I’m thinking about, too.
You’re exhibiting a thorough lack of willpower, Jeremy.
Aight, well… I’ll be honest with you, I’m not wild about this season premiere. The Isaac sideplot honestly had the most promise of all the plotlines in this episode, but it’s barely given any screen time compared with the romance plotlines — or at least it feels that way — and doesn’t get fully developed like the others either. Jeremy and Natalie’s conflict probably would have felt more acceptable to me if Natalie hadn’t been acting like a total fucking child throughout the whole sequence. As for Casey and Dana… well, I mentioned in the first season finale that I finally saw some promise there, but as far as I’m concerned that promise has largely gone down the drain with this episode. That’s probably for the better, though, considering what’s to come — but we’ll get there when we get there.
Largely, though — and I don’t want to hammer on this point too hard right now, since I want to discuss it more in a later entry — now that I’ve gone through two episodes of The West Wing, I’m really feeling the sting of how Sports Night is relegated to a half hour. Where The West Wing is given room to breathe with a full hour, Sports Night ends up feeling rushed with the volume of dialogue and plot needing to be squeezed into half that time. In case it isn’t already obvious: my plan is to go through the episodes of the second season of Sports Night and the first season of The West Wing in chronological order of when they originally aired, and now that I’ve started I’m worried now I’ll be feeling whiplashed often in the process. I can only imagine what it must have been like for viewers watching both shows when they originally aired.
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