Entry 031 - Sports Night 202 (When Something Wicked This Way Comes)
In which we deal with questionable attraction vectors
SERIES: Sports Night
EPISODE NUMBER: 202
TITLE: When Something Wicked This Way Comes
PREMIERE: 12 Oct 1999
DIRECTOR: Robert Berlinger
DRAFT SCRIPT: HTML
Being quite far removed from the original airdates of these episodes, I’m of course inclined to wonder how Mr. Sorkin was able to juggle the responsibilities of running two television shows both at the same time for a full television season. I suppose one answer to that question is that he probably didn’t… at least not sober. Cocaine had become a dirty little secret for him that would eventually blow up not quite two years later, though whether he was actively using it regularly during this year of studio hopping is an open question.
Certainly if this episode is any indication, though, he was having a little trouble juggling the dual responsibilities, sober or not. I mentioned in an entry late into the previous season of Sports Night that Mr. Sorkin appeared to struggle some with keeping track of all the different plot threads he had set up, and this episode shows dealing with two television shows simultaneously probably made it even harder for him in that regard. As for the reason I feel confident saying as much… well, I’ll let the moment speak for itself when we get to it. Let’s dive in.
RETURNING Dialogue Motif: Damn straight
Previous instance: The West Wing 101
JEREMY: What’s wrong with our ratings?
NATALIE: Our ratings are fine.
JEREMY: We come in third.
NATALIE: Consistently.
JEREMY: Damn straight.
NATALIE: We come in third each and every week.
JEREMY: The only way we could possibly do better is if we came in first or second.
Hang on, I’m just checking your math on that… yes, I got the same thing.foreshadowing detected
JEREMY: It’s not like we’re those clowns in fourth.
NATALIE: Bunch of losers.
Is there even a fourth place option for a nightly sports news broadcast? We’ve heard Bristol and Fox get namedropped in earlier episodes but no one else.
(NATALIE knocks on DANA’s door)
DANA: Come in.
We’re gonna have to pause and take a moment to appreciate the stage direction for this next moment in the draft script:
DANA, BELIEVE IT OR NOT, IS WEARING BLACK BIKER LEATHERS. HEAD TO TOE, NO LIE. SHE LOOKS KINDA LIKE MICHELLE PFEIFFER IN BATMAN ONLY BETTER ‘CAUSE, WELL, DANA’S BETTER LOOKING THAN MICHELLE PFEIFFER.
I had to look it up because I have basically zero patience for superhero movies, but… wow, is that dig at Michelle Pfeiffer correct.
NATALIE: Dana, what are you wearing?
DANA: Do you like it?
NATALIE: As a matter of fact, I do.
Ayo?
NATALIE: Excuse me, Dana. (to JEREMY) Sweetie, Dana can tell when you’re staring at her breasts.
JEREMY: I wasn’t.
NATALIE: It’s okay.
JEREMY: I mean, my eyes naturally went there, but now I’m fine.
You just had to open your mouth another time, Jeremy…
DANA: The bachelorette party is biker-themed.
JEREMY: It’s biker-themed?
DANA: It’s biker-themed. We’re all being picked up and escorted to the party on Harleys. I’m going to ride on the back of a hog.
NATALIE: Yeah?
DANA: I know the lingo.
Are you sure about that, Dana? From what I can tell, the term “hog” could be applied to either the bike itself or the person who owns it. You’re lucky Casey’s not in the room, sister.
CASEY: My point is that it can’t be any old first date. The bar here is very high, not so much because it’ll be my first date with Dana, but because it’ll be Dana’s first date with me — and I’m known in some parts for my first date. In certain parts, I have a rep. There’s such a thing as street cred.
Here we go…
DAN: Listen to this —
CASEY: Tell them about my street cred.
DAN: (laughs) Seriously —
CASEY: No, tell them about my rep.
DAN: You don’t have a rep, you don’t have street cred. Your last date was fourteen years ago, and you ended up with marriage and a divorce.
FOURTEEN!
CASEY: Oh, in some parts —
DAN: No, there are no parts.
Friendly reminder that I am extremely glad we’ve moved past having a laugh track on this show — this exchange would have taken twice as long otherwise.
DAN: I got invited to Hillary Clinton’s fundraising breakfast — me, the First Lady, scrambled eggs, lively conversation. Turns out it wasn’t that hard, you know what you have to do?
CASEY: Write a check for a thousand dollars?
DAN: That’s right — but not everyone was given that opportunity. I was asked.
Dan apparently hasn’t learned the basics of a mailing campaign where it’s much cheaper on average to send a mail blast to thousands of people than it is to a select few. Color me skeptical on the “not everyone” bit.
CASEY: This really isn’t political, is it?
DAN: No, sir, it is not.
CASEY: You have a crush on Hillary Clinton.
DAN: I carry a torch for her, yes.
CASEY: You’re hot for Mrs. Clinton.
DAN: Well, I mean, who isn’t?
Airdate: 12 Oct 1999 — fucking hell, was Dan off the mark…
DAN: Tomorrow morning, I shall.
CASEY: Shall you?
DAN: Yes — and she will say, “My goodness, that Dan Rydell is such a bright young boy, so much more than sports scores and highlights. I think I’ll make him my gentleman friend.”
DAVE: (O.S.) Roll VTR.
CASEY: Well, then, here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson.
Cut between draft script and episode is the following response to that quip from Casey:
DRAFT DAN: How can we get you to think more like me?
DRAFT CASEY: You could have someone hit me in the head about five hundred times.
I suppose this cut like many of the others in this episode was made for time, as I personally don’t see why it couldn’t have been left in.
JEREMY: The rumors are undeniable, Dana.
DANA: No, they’re not undeniable, I’m denying them.
Yep, that indeed contradicts the definition, Dana. Good job.
ISAAC: What are you dressed as?
DANA: I’m going to a bachelorette party. It’s a themed bachelorette party.
NATALIE: Ask her what the theme is.
ISAAC: I just assumed it was hookers.
DANA: It’s biker chicks.
ISAAC: Just as good in my book.
Ayo? Should I be calling Esther, sir?
DANA: Tell them the rumor isn’t true. Tell them there isn’t a ratings expert coming in to work on the show.
ISAAC: The rumor is true. There is a ratings expert coming to work on the show, and he’s coming tomorrow.
DANA: The network hired a ratings guy?
ISAAC: The network didn’t hire him, I did.
Oh… oh, dear — is Isaac intending this as a preemptive strike, or is it obedience in advance? I don’t think it’s made entirely clear one way or the other, but I will be paying attention going forward.
NATALIE: You know nothing about the ratings guy?
About 45 seconds of dialogue before this line got cut: first Casey again attempts to explain his first date “cred”, this time to Natalie, and fails miserably. After that, Casey asks Natalie for help planning the date without actually asking by stating carriage rides are out before Natalie corrects him that they are in. Natalie then offers the following:
DROPPED Dialogue Motif: X… X+1 problems
DRAFT NATALIE: Ice skating is okay.
DRAFT CASEY: There’s a problem with that.
DRAFT NATALIE: It’s October and the ice isn’t frozen?
DRAFT CASEY: (beat) No, I was thinking I need new laces, but you’re right, yeah, two problems.
“Also, I’m not wild about ice-skating, but what the hell, I’d do it.”foreshadowing detected
CASEY: Connection?
DAN: Connection made, my young friend.
“Young friend”? We’ve already established Casey is older than you, Dan, have we not?
NATALIE: Does anybody care if I’m not part of this?
DAN: It’s just as well, Natalie, there are gonna be some parts of this story that are unsuitable for mixed company.
Ayo?
NATALIE: I have to edit tape.
In the draft script, Casey rebuffs Dan’s mixed company quip with an explicit guarantee to Natalie that there are no such parts before Natalie dismisses herself. The nipping and tucking of time continues.
… Except…
CASEY: Where did you say Dana was?
NATALIE: She was up all night and she called and said she’d be in an hour late.
DAN: She was skanking around town all leathered up?
NATALIE: I guess so.
DAN: Excellent.
CASEY: Hey, you’re talking about the woman whose first date with me I’m planning. (beat) That was some pretty interesting grammar.
Not in the draft script! I suppose the nipping and tucking went too far at some point? Or maybe there was a spacing discontinuity to correct with the previous 45 second cut? Time only knows.
RETURNING Plot Bunny: Women and shoes
Previous instances: The American President; Sports Night 110, 112
DAN: Hillary Clinton… there she was — the hair, the shoes, and the whole thing. She said, “Dan, let me —” first of all, she called me ‘Dan’.
CASEY: Were you wearing a name tag?
DAN: (beat) Yeah.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, ABC, for not continuing with the laugh track!
NEW Plot Bunny: The 50-50 Misspeak™
DAN: The story is we had a conversation — seriously. Someone had clearly briefed her on my stuff with the public schools, and I told her about my opposition to secular programs that are publicly financed. I really spoke up and she seemed to listen.
CASEY: You mean non-secular.
DAN: (beat) What do you mean?
CASEY: You don’t oppose secular programs that are publicly financed, you oppose non-secular programs that are publicly financed.
…
DAN: Okay — I’m sure I got it right at breakfast.
CASEY: Well, fifty-fifty chance.
I feel like there’s a Monty Hall joke to make here, I just can’t find it…
DAN: Hillary Clinton thinks I’m an idiot!
CASEY: Either that or a religious bigot.
DAN: I went to an Ivy League school, Casey.
CASEY: A proud day for Dartmouth, Dan.
Indeed! It’s like ‘secular’ is a 760 SAT word or something.foreshadowing detected
DAN: I need her to know that I know the difference between secular and non-secular.
CASEY: You don’t know the difference between secular and non-secular.
DAN: Yeah, but I do now and I should have then. I have to call her.
CASEY: At this point, I’d say it’s a moral imperative.
(beep) Sarcasm Self Test complete! (beep)
DAN: I’m not saying it’s not going to take perseverance, but I’m going to make contact with this woman.
CASEY: Good luck.
Cut between those two lines from the draft script is Casey redirecting the subject of the conversation to his plans for his date with Dana. Just as well — the plans end up getting regurgitated almost immediately afterward anyway, so that cut is not missed.
RETURNING Verbal Tic: Walk with me
Running count: 3
CASEY: Hey, I’m glad you’re here, because we have some decisions to make.
DANA: I’ve had an epiphany.
CASEY: Really?
DANA: Yeah — walk with me.
CASEY: Okay.
An interleaved pair of lines got cut from this exchange in which Casey responds to Dana’s confirmation with, “Then you’re probably not hungry,” to which Dana responds after her walk command with, “and try not to make bad jokes.”
… Yeah, I don’t get it either.
RETURNING Verbal Tic: Let me tell you something
Running count: 9
CASEY: Was there a stripper?
DANA: At the party?
CASEY: Yeah.
DANA: Yes, there was.
CASEY: Did he have a better body than me?
DANA: Of course he had a better body that you, Casey, he was a professional male stripper.
CASEY: You know, let me tell you something, when we’re asked, men know how to answer that question.
We do? Since when? Oh, right, apparently my being asexual doesn’t qualify me as a man in Casey’s mind. Forget it.
DANA: Do you want to hear about the epiphany?
…
CASEY: Yes, but first let me just clear this plan with you. I pick you up Saturday at 8, drinks at Moomba, dinner at Café des Artistes, and then — wait for it — a carriage ride through the park with a bottle of champagne.
DANA: I can top that!
CASEY: I’m listening.
DANA: Instead of doing all that as our first date Saturday night, we postpone our first date for six months while you see other women!
… What? Are you… you’re kidding, right? What is this?
DANA: The bride, my friend at this thing last night — someone leaned over to me and said, “It’s never gonna last.”
CASEY: (beat) What’s never [gonna last?]
DANA: [The bride] and the guy.
CASEY: (beat) Why not?
DANA: Because he was basically the only guy she dated as an adult, and either she was gonna meet someone better or she’d always feel like she could have met someone better.
Ah, so you’re saying she’s a victim of the toxic heteronormativity that demands a woman find a man to marry? Still don’t see how this connects to your epiphany…
DANA: You started dating Lisa when you were 18. You married her when you were 23.
CASEY: I remember all that.
…
DANA: I want us to have a clear shot at this.
CASEY: Me too.
DANA: The date you planned sounds great.
CASEY: Yes, it does.
…
DANA: But first, you gotta date other women.
So, uh, remember when I said Mr. Sorkin was starting to feel the pressure of having two simultaneous shows to run? Yeah, this moment was what made me say that: having finally released the cross-season tension in the second season opener, Mr. Sorkin seemingly decided he wrote himself into a corner and decided to make Dana psychotic again in order to find more to write on her relationship with Casey. I’m honestly at a loss as to why he felt it necessary, especially considering how the plot arc eventually peters out mid-season. Frankly, I think he probably could have gotten more out of the story if he kept the relationship as-is rather than setting it completely on fire like he does here — which is not necessarily something he couldn’t have taken on, if how he’s written other workplace relationships before and after this point is any indication. That this heel-face turn from Dana comes in the wake of my finally getting to the point where I feel like I can cheer for her makes the moment ever more sour for me, as she’s arguably engaging in actions that will negatively impact the show she professes to being her livelihood. Now I’m back to breathing through a tube with her character, which I desperately didn’t want to have to do again. So it goes, I guess…
CASEY: You are about five different kinds of crazy, you know that?
Another roughly fifty-second scene before this moment in the draft script got cut: Dan wanders up to a task-focused Jeremy and laments how Hillary Clinton isn’t going to call him back. He then goes into several examples of words in the English language that sound like they should mean the opposite of what they actually mean — which includes a mini-tirade on how flammable and inflammable mean the same thing even though they shouldn’t. In its absence here, we’ll be hearing from those two words again much later.
CASEY: What if I just refuse to go along with your plan?
DANA: Then you do not get the wonder that is me.
CASEY: I’m not sure I want the wonder that is you.
I’m sure I don’t!
RETURNING Verbal Tic: This isn’t happening
Running count: 2
CASEY: I want to kill you right now!
DANA: Problem is, that’s not the only thing you want to do with me right now, is it?
…
CASEY: This isn’t happening.
If wishes made it so, Casey…
RETURNING Sorkin Name: Sam
Previous instances: A Few Good Men; Sports Night 102; The West Wing (recurring)
NEW Sorkin Name: Donovan
DANA: Who’s the ratings guy?
ISAAC: His name’s Sam Donovan.
Any relation?
DANA: Is he good?
ISAAC: No, I decided to hire a moron.
“Here’s your sign.”
DANA: We were ticking up on our own.
ISAAC: Not fast enough.
DANA: Fast enough for you, fast enough for us.
ISAAC: Not fast enough for them.
I gotta say, I’ve never understood the corporate mentality of “the numbers must always increase”. In the case of monetary profits, I would think it would suffice to turn a profit every period — specifically seeking to make the profit larger and larger period by period just seems unnecessarily greedy to me. At some point, you’re going to run into a natural limit on how much you can actually profit and then make yourself look bad in the process, even though you’re still technically making money. Viewership numbers I at least partially understand since we’re talking advertising revenue, but even so ignoring the reality of the natural ebb and flow of such numbers in favor of demanding constant increase seems straight up idiotic, as far as I’m concerned. We’re basically talking a bullionist mentality to capitalism here… but that’s a conversation for another setting.
NATALIE: Is there a set number of women?
CASEY: I don’t know.
NATALIE: ‘Cause if there’s a set number of women, maybe you can just get them out of the way, bing bam boom.
CASEY: ‘Bing bam boom’?
NATALIE: That was me [sic] getting women out of the way really fast.
First her asking Dana to make out with her, then staring at Dana’s biker outfit, now this — was Mr. Sorkin intentionally trying to code Natalie as low-key bisexual?
CASEY: You don’t think her epiphany sounds insane?
NATALIE: I sort of do, yeah — but she didn’t run it by me, so this is the kind of thing that happens.
CASEY: No, this is the kind of thing that happens when she does run it by you, so I’m surprised to hear you weren’t involved.
Gonna have to hard disagree with you there, Casey — Natalie has been on the bandwagon of your getting together with Dana since way before it was reasonable to do so. Expecting her to be part of the scheme to throw a wrench into that possibility is a bad judgement on your part.
NATALIE: By the way, this plan?
DANA: Yeah?
NATALIE: Never ran it by me.
DANA: I’m going with my instincts on this one.
NATALIE: It shows.
CASEY: Dana, I have dated women before.
DANA: You have not.
CASEY: What about that double date at Anthony Anthony’s with you and Gordon? It almost turned… very serious with that girl.
DANA: What was her name?
CASEY: Ah, for the life of me, I can’t remember.
Really?! You can’t?! You spent half that night riffing on how ridiculous her name was — and how it was similar to your ex-wife’s name! What the hell’s happened to your memory, my guy?
CASEY: What about Sally?
…
DANA: That wasn’t dating, that was two lonely and pathetic people slinking off after her crappy little 2am show, getting drunk, and using each other for sex.
CASEY: (beat) That’s not dating?
I’m not an expert, but I would say… oh, who gives a damn?
DANA: You gotta trust me on this.
Absolutely not.
CASEY: No, I don’t think I do have to trust you on this.
Good, Casey and I are back on the same page.
DANA: Carriage rides are out, by the way.
CASEY: They are not out, they are back in.
DANA: Yeah, if you’re from Akron.
What the hell? What’s with the casual slagging off of Akron? Don’t get me wrong, as a Carolinian I’m all for dissing Ohio, but this particular instance seems random to me.
RETURNING Sorkin Name: Dean(n)a
Previous instance: The West Wing 103
CASEY: So this woman comes along at your biker party —
DANA: Deanna.
CASEY: — this drunken, bitter, lesbian woman.
What the fuck?!
DANA: Now why would you do that? Why would you go to ‘lesbian’ right there?
CASEY: Are you saying —
DANA: Tell me you’re not a homophobe.
CASEY: — that in order to prove to you that I’m grown up enough to go out with you, you’re gonna make me go out and find other women to sample first?
Answer her damn question, Casey! I’m not comfortable staying on your side until you apologize for what you just did.
DANA: You alright?
CASEY: Actually, I am frightened of my own life…
Casually joking about being suicidal, too — okay, Casey, you’re on my shit list for this episode now.
NEW Dialogue Motif: Mark Twain truth quote
DAN: You know, a lie can make it halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its boots on.
CASEY: What are you, Burl Ives all of a sudden?
DAN: As a matter of fact, that was Mark Twain.
CASEY: I know who it was.
Then why the fuck did you say Burl Ives? How much deeper in shit do you want to be with me, Case?
RETURNING Verbal Tic: You think?
Running count: 5
DAN: I think you should do what she tells you to do. She had a weird night at the party, things’ll look different in the cold light of day.
CASEY: You think?
…
DANA: You’ve explained to her that the plan is insane?
CASEY: I’m trying.
DAN: You want me to take a whack at it?
CASEY: No.
You don’t? I would think of everyone in your circle of friends, Dan would have the best chance of reasoning with Dana, even on this subject. He’s just got that reasonable air about him — unlike you:
DANA: I said I wanted us to say hello to Sam Donovan, the ratings consultant, before the show started.
CASEY: I thought you said, “I was thinking about my dating plan and realized I was mental.”
Way to act like a child, my guy.
NEW Dialogue Motif: Opposite sounding words mean the same thing
DAN: ‘Boned’ and ‘deboned’ mean the same thing.
DAVE: Would you give it a rest?
I suppose the one thing we’ve lost from that previous scene’s being cut is that we don’t see the motivation behind Dave’s response to Dan’s extemporization here. Then again, one could argue the response here is enough to imply previous off-screen actions. I could go either way.
DAN: There’s such a word as ‘disheveled’, but ‘sheveled’ is nowhere to be found in the dictionary.
CASEY: Danny —
DAN: I’m just saying, English sucks.
Preach it, Dan — I’ve always said English is not so much a language as it is five different languages under a trenchcoat. Case in point: the word ‘disheveled’ comes from the Old French descheveler, which is based on the word chevel meaning ‘hair’, so ‘sheveled’ would not even make sense etymologically.
RETURNING Verbal Tic: How ya doin’
Running count: 21
DANA: Are you Sam Donovan?
SAM: Yeah, I was just looking for my office.
DANA: I’m Dana Whitaker.
SAM: How ya doin’?
DAN: Dan Rydell.
CASEY: Casey McCall.
SAM: Good to meet you — if someone could just point me toward my office.
CASEY: We got together like this to welcome you.
SAM: Thanks — my office?
Talk about being task-focused…
RETURNING Sorkin Name: Janie
Previous instance: The American President
DANA: I’m sorry, you don’t have one yet. I’m sure Janie, our office manager —
SAM: That’ll be taken care of by the morning?
DANA: (beat) Yeah.
Uh oh — do we have another case of the show telling us not to trust a new person?
DAN: You can’t just come in here and start dictating policy. Now, we’re ready to work with you as long as you understand that this is our show and we feel we do it well. You should also bear in mind that Dana doesn’t stand alone here, and unless you want your first action as consultant to cause a full staff walkout, including the on-air talent and producers, I’d downshift a little.
SAM: (pause) You shouldn’t think that just because I’m looking at you while you’re talking to me that I’m necessarily listening to or caring about what you’re saying.
Yep, we’re being told not to like him — we get another taste of “the work family has everyone’s backs” from Dan, and Sam just completely shits all over the sentiment. Who knows, though — maybe it’s just a front…
RETURNING Verbal Tic: Don’t give a damn
Running count: 4
SAM: I was hired to raise this show’s audience share three points. Just between you and me, I’m gonna raise it three and a half. I’m not lacking in confidence as far as that’s concerned, and because of that I can say this — I honestly don’t give a damn if any of you work here or not.
… or not, I guess.
RETURNING Dialogue Motif: Don’t be ridiculous, everybody likes me
Previous instance: Malice
DANA: I’m not gonna like you very much, am I?
SAM: Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Dana, everybody likes me.
For the two of you reading who aren’t aware: William H. Macy, the actor playing Sam Donovan, was at this point two years into his marriage with Felicity Huffman, the actor playing Dana Whitaker. Given this moment, I think his presence here technically qualifies as a casting gag — and I’m all for it.
As for the episode itself… yeah, it’s fair to say the Casey-Dana storyline fouls things up considerably for me. This episode frankly gives off much the same vibes as “Intellectual Property” where a wonderful subplot performance from Josh Charles still isn’t enough to carry the episode. The establishment of the character of Sam Donovan also serves as a high point that carries much promise, but once again Dana’s character’s going down the drain pulls the balance scale for the episode in the wrong direction too hard in my opinion. This will have to be another instance of my closing my eyes and thinking of England whenever a psychotic subplot makes itself known until it blows over.
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