Entry 033 - Sports Night 203 (Cliff Gardner)
In which we need a reason to remember a name
SERIES: Sports Night
EPISODE NUMBER: 203
TITLE: Cliff Gardner
PREMIERE: 19 Oct 1999
DIRECTOR: Robert Berlinger
DRAFT SCRIPT: HTML
If this episode is any indication, it finally occurred to Mr. Sorkin that his writing for Sports Night so far this season was considerably lacking in comparison with its NBC compatriot. Unfortunately for Mr. Sorkin, it would appear at some point that he forgot he was writing for a half-hour show again, as even from the “UPDATED FINAL” draft script we have (good fucking lord, man) there were still quite a few cuts made before episode final cut. Some of the cuts I’d say were warranted, but some… well, I won’t spoil the surprise. Let’s get into it.
DANA: Could the show be any stiffer tonight?
NATALIE: It’s pretty stiff.
DANA: Yes, it is.
JEREMY: It’ll loosen up.
DANA: It can only loosen up, Jeremy, ‘cause I don’t think it’s possible for it to be any stiffer.
DAVE: Stand by 55.
DANA: I thought last night was as bad as we could get, but it turns out we had unexplored potential for stiffness.
“This show’s so stiff it’s stiffer than the word ‘stiff’ itself, that’s how stiff this stiff-ass show is.”
NEW Dialogue Motif: Just what the doctor ordered
DAVE: Go 55.
CHRIS: No, wait.
DAVE: Go 55.
CHRIS: That’s wrong.
DAVE: Now!
DANA: Damn it, Dave, get it together.
DAVE: Stand by 56.
DANA: That’s what we need — we need the control room to fall apart, too. That’s just what the doctor ordered.
What the hell are you doing blaming Dave for that moment, Dana? That was a moment of insubordination from Chris, not a goof on Dave’s part.
DANA: No matter what, he seems to get his way.
NATALIE: He does seem to be in control.
DANA: After a week.
KIM: Eight days.
DANA: Who cares? It took me two years to figure out how to run this show. He comes in here, he gets in our heads like a virus or… whatever it is Jeremy said, and we’re so stiff.
This line from Dana got truncated: in our draft script, Dana says they’re so stiff they’re “making the McNeil-Lehrer [sic] Report look like Woodstock”. I suppose Disney wanted to avoid getting sued? Good god, I can’t type that without laughing…
SAM: Show seems a little stiff tonight, don’t you think?
DANA: Yes, I do.
SAM: Maybe even stiffer than last night.
It’s like they’re of one mind! I wonder why…
SAM: You know what I’d do if I were you?
DANA: Kill myself?
Fuck you for even joking about that, Dana.
SAM: Men like the sound of a woman whispering in their ear. They get playful.
DANA: Why don’t we just get them a lap dance?
SAM: No, we don’t have that kind of time, but I like your thinking.
“Hello, HR? You’re not gonna believe this…”
DANA: I’m not whispering in their ear, Natalie’s not whispering in their ear.
KIM: If you want, I —
DANA: (snaps) Kim’s not whispering in their ear.
I suppose it might be worth mentioning at this point how all the non-top billed characters got rather thoroughly downgraded between seasons — in this case, Kim’s being a horndog was a semi-frequent occurrence last season but here it’s treated like a throwaway moment more than previously. Chris and Will also received fewer moments of Those Two Guys™, and Dave barely got any characterizing moments at all throughout the second season. I find it hard not to blame those downgrades on Mr. Sorkin’s writing for two shows simultaneously, since it more than doubled the number of mouths he had to feed — something had to give in some capacity.
DAN: I believe we’re about to get a pep talk.
You think?
DANA: We’ve got eighteen minutes of show left, what I’d like is you guys to start earning your money. Do you have anything you’d like to say?
CASEY: Yeah —
DANA: Good. (leaves)
You two feeling peppy now?
RETURNING Verbal Tic: Missed a name
Running count: 5
SAM: Donna seems pretty mad.
CASEY: Dana.
SAM: Huh?
DAN: Her name’s Dana, not Donna.
SAM: Is that right?
Okay, I just had a thought occur to me — did Sam do that on purpose? I find it hard to believe considering what happens later in the episode that Sam hasn’t yet committed Dana’s name to memory. If I’m right, he basically misnamed her specifically to get a rise out of Casey and Dan. Jury’s out on whether it worked…
SAM: I think my presence in the studio and in the control room is intimidating people. I think it’s preventing you from doing your best work, so I’m gonna watch the rest of the show in the newsroom.
CASEY: I’m sure Dana will appreciate that too.
(SAM leaves with scripts)
DAN: See? He’s weakening. He doesn’t always get his way.
CASEY: Did he just take our script?
(SAM unplugs a computer)
NATALIE: We just lost the teleprompter.
Just when we were given to believe he’d developed self-awareness…
DANA: Dan, Casey, we lost the teleprompter. Work off your scripts.
DAN: Sam Donovan stole the script.
DANA: Well, then, no problem — Natalie and I will… feed you bullet points. We’ll whisper them in your ear.
Instead, Sam gets precisely what he wants through sheer willpower. What are we viewers expected to think of him after this, exactly? It’s essentially played for laughs, but what Sam does arguably constitutes acts of sabotage, which given we’re supposed to be invested in the success of the (in-universe) show should make us not like him. How do you suppose the rest of the episode goes, given that?
DANA: They’re coming here.
A rather lengthy scene got cut from the top of Act I in the draft script. In the scene…
Actually, you know what? I should take every opportunity I can get — impromptu solo table read!
I’m of two minds on this cut. On the one hand, this cut paired with another cut later on rip out basically everything Jeremy had to do this episode — rather ironically, considering Dan explicitly indicates to Jeremy that facing his fear will “give [him] something to do” in what got cut here. On the other hand, the removal of the exposition dump between Casey and Dan amounts to what I’d consider a mercy kill, despite the fact that it drops a Sorkinism from consideration — and the Jeremy lead-up doesn’t necessarily stand well on its own, so the pair had to be cut together.
NATALIE: Who’s coming? J.J. and the boys?
DANA: Yeah.
NATALIE: Good, ‘cause they’re qualified to tell us how to write and produce a television show given their many years of experience neither writing nor producing television shows.
(beep) Sarcasm Self Test complete! (beep)
RETURNING Verbal Tic: What do you want from me?
Running count: 7
DANA: What do you want from me, Natalie? We work for a network.
NATALIE: How did this happen?
…
DANA: We’re still in third place.
NATALIE: Every show on this network’s in third place. It’s a third-place network.
Hey, that’s an upgrade from the “fourth-rate network” we got last season!
NEW Dialogue Motif: Work(ing) anywhere I want
DANA: Natalie, if this keeps up, I gotta… look seriously at some offers.
NATALIE: Really?
DANA: I can work anywhere I want. Who’d want to stay for this?
NATALIE: Well, you’re not leaving me here.
DANA: No.
NATALIE: You’re taking me with you, Dana.
DANA: Of course.
…
NATALIE: Jeremy has to come, too.
DANA: (beat) Fine.
NATALIE: And you’re not gonna be happy unless Casey’s there.
DANA: (beat) Casey can come.
NATALIE: Casey needs Dan.
DANA: (beat) I know.
Another reminder that this work family is a family — a fact that Dana apparently momentarily forgot, if Natalie’s pestering on the subject is any indication.
ELLIOT: There’s a, uh, memo from building maintenance that one of the legs on the craft service table is wobbly, and we should be careful while getting ourselves food.
DANA: What?
ELLIOT: There’s a memo from building maintenance —
DANA: — that one of the legs on the craft service table is wobbly?
ELLIOT: Yeah.
(DANA breaks down laughing, others join her)
CASEY: Hey! (after everyone stops) The show’s important, but first things first — there are bagels on that table.
(laughter continues)
This sequence was originally longer as written:
DROPPED Verbal Tic: Almost hard to believe
DRAFT DANA: Elliot… this show is sinking like a slab of granite. I’ve never seen something so good fall apart so fast. It’s almost hard to believe there aren’t senior members of the Dukakis campaign involved with this. I don’t think a wobbly leg on the craft service table…
(DANA’s laughing so hard she can’t finish the sentence…)
DRAFT DAN: I disagree, I think we gotta get right on it.
DRAFT CASEY: The show’s important, but first things first — there are bagels on that table.
DRAFT WILL: And very good danish.
DRAFT CHRIS: We gotta secure the coffee.
DRAFT DAVE: Absolutely.
Oh, hey, look at that, I mentioned how Those Two Guys™ had gone dormant and it turns out what they had this episode even got cut! Chris and Will can’t catch a break — the joys of an hour of dialogue in half an hour.
DAN: The network wants to give us notes.
DANA: Yeah.
DAN: I thought we were finished with that.
DANA: Apparently not.
DAN: And may I [ask what —]
DANA: [No.]
DAN: May I ask what you’re doing about this?
DANA: I’m having them arrested, Danny. I’m telling their parents. I’m telling the teacher. I’m gonna go to my room and lock the door.
“Here’s your sign.”
DANA: I’m doing the best I can.
DAN: And the fact that might be true absolutely terrifies me, Dana.
NATALIE: Danny…
DANA: You’ve become a malcontent, Danny.
DAN: You’ve become a secretary, Dana.
(long pause)
Well, then… so much for the work family I mentioned, I guess.
DANA: Who is it?
DAN: I have gifts for you.
If you think this apology comes too suddenly, it should be of interest to you that yet another scene got cut before this one which originally served as a buffer. In the scene…
Actually, what the heck, I can handle multiple of these in one entry — impromptu solo table read!
The brick joke of the craft services table gets lost as a result of this cut, but don’t worry — in its absence here, we’ll be seeing tables coming to grief later. You have been warned.
DAN: You once took a trip to Napa and you visited a small vineyard there. You told me you tried some wine that you loved and you could never find it anywhere. I thought I remembered the name, but I wasn’t sure. Is this it?
DANA: Yes.
DAN: Good — I always like wine and cheese.
DANA: I know.
DAN: I wanted to get you some cheese. There’s a great cheese place over on Second Avenue. I went over there after I got the wine, but it’s gone. There’s a hardware store there now.
DANA: That’s okay.
DAN: I got you some spackle.
DANA: (laughs) Thank you.
DAN: I’m sorry.
DANA: I’m sorry, too.
Dan continues his streak of being the best apology maker known to humankind — I suppose he had to respond to the competition from Josh Lyman a couple of months back.
CASEY: I’ve got an idea.
DANA: What?
CASEY: You’re gonna say it’s against the rules, but I think it’s a really good idea.
DANA: What?
CASEY: Let’s go on a date tonight.
DANA: I think that’s a great idea.
CASEY: But?
DANA: It’s against the rules.
CASEY: Yeah, yeah…
DANA: Maybe today’s not the best day to talk about it.
You know what would be a good day to continue this plot thread? Never — there is no good day for it, it’s a bad plotline.
CASEY: Hey, is there anything I can do for you?
See? Casey’s still a good friend even without the romantic context, this shit is so extra.
DANA: You could stay cool during the notes meeting. Keep Danny in his chair, too.
CASEY: Yeah.
…
DANA: You’ll stay quiet with the network?
CASEY: Yeah.
DANA: And Danny, too?
It bears repeating that the pilot to this show exhibits basically no similarity to the rest of the show with regard to Dan and Casey’s relative relationships with the network. Where in the pilot Dan is explicitly told he has a future with the network without Casey, for the rest of the show Casey is established to be Dan’s keeper, as is continued here.
RETURNING Sorkin Name: Ray
Previous instance: The West Wing 102
J.J.: This is Ray Mitchell, Director of Program Development.
What’s that?foreshadowing detected
RETURNING Sorkin Name: Billy/Billie
Previous instance: The West Wing 101
J.J.: And Billie Tasker, Senior VP of Current Programming.
Interesting thing to note: as written in the draft, Tasker’s first name is written as “Billy”. That combined with the fact that the group are referred to both in-universe and in a stage direction as “J.J. and the boys” indicates the part was perhaps not originally intended to be given to a woman. The previously mentioned Sports Night Transcripts site understandably spelled the name as “Billie” instead as a result of that discrepancy — which I feel compelled to replicate, with apologies to Mr. Sorkin if he feels betrayed by that.
J.J.: Now, Ray and Billie have been writing memos and sending notes to your staff for a year, and they have fallen on deaf ears. It is simply time for us to step in.
ISAAC: I’m sorry you feel that way.
Ah, the classic non-apology apology!foreshadowing detected You go, Isaac!
J.J.: Excuse me?
ISAAC: I said I’m sorry you feel that way, that the notes have fallen on deaf ears. I’ve always felt that they were given their due consideration.
J.J.: They weren’t.
ISAAC: You mean because we didn’t take them? Just because we didn’t execute all the network’s suggestions doesn’t mean we weren’t listening, it just means we didn’t agree.
The sequence here got truncated from how it is in the draft script, where we get another round of J.J. asking Isaac to repeat himself:
DRAFT ISAAC: You mean because we didn’t take them.
DRAFT J.J.: Excuse me?
DRAFT ISAAC: I’m sorry, with a stroke your diction is the first to go.
DRAFT J.J.: Yes.
DRAFT ISAAC: I don’t mind not being able to get around fast, but I do miss language.
Knowing the writer, this last line reads to me as “holy fuck, I hope I never have a stroke”.
ISAAC: If I allow you three to go in there and mess with my show, will it keep my staff from losing their jobs?
J.J.: I can’t make promises.
ISAAC: J.J.?
J.J.: Yeah?
ISAAC: I’ve never liked you.
No one has, Isaac.
J.J.: It doesn’t seem like he’s recovering as fast as we’d hoped.
SAM: Really?
BILLIE: Yeah.
SAM: You guys want to exert more control over the show, right?
RAY: Yeah.
SAM: Then it seems like he’s recovering exactly as fast as you’d hoped.
J.J.: … you seem to be able to exert some authority around here, and we like the idea of a more sales-oriented executive at the top of the pyramid — so we were hoping when things settle down here that you’d consider sitting down and talking to Luther Sachs about making it permanent.
SAM: (pause) Was there anything else?
J.J.: No.
SAM: Okay.
J.J.: (beat) Okay.
Hmm… a surprisingly noncommittal response from Sam here, given what we’ve seen of him so far…
RETURNING Verbal Tic: And you know it
Running count: 4
ISAAC: You could have a big future at this network.
SAM: I appreciate the advice.
ISAAC: Don’t brush me off. I know you like being a gunslinger, bopping from job to job, but you’re better than that and you know it.
^ Me to every job-hopping software engineer I meet
RAY: It really all boils down to the same thing.
J.J.: Well, not all —
RAY: No, not all, but what we’re saying, and I think I speak for all of us —
J.J.: Yes.
BILLIE: — that the problem’s in the writing.
Oh no — they’re committing the cardinal sin of the Sorkin Universe, calling someone’s writing a problem.
NEW Dialogue Motif: “We’re not waiters” speech
DANA: Dan and Casey are professional writers, they’re not waiters in a restaurant. You can’t tell them what you’d like and how you’d like it prepared.
“When Dylan was writing Shelter from the Storm, he didn’t ask people what they —” wait, I’m jumping the gun here.
RETURNING Dialogue Motif: Beat the shit out of X
Previous instances: The American President; Malice; A Few Good Men; Sports Night 101, 122, 123
DANA: J.J., I was hoping this meeting would go differently. I was prepared to eat whatever I had to for Isaac’s sake and I asked the senior staff to do the same — which, by the way, is the only reason why Dan, Casey, Jeremy, Elliot, Chris, Will, and Dave haven’t beaten the crap out of you guys by now.
What about Natalie and Kim? Why did you leave them out of that listing?
RETURNING Dialogue Motif: Fire me or shut up
Previous instance: Sports Night 113
DANA: At this point, you have two choices — fire me or shut the hell up.
J.J.: Dana, sad to say that your attitude over these past three years combined with these totally unacceptable ratings make that a very easy choice.
DAN: Hang on.
J.J.: Look.
CASEY: Yeah.
J.J.: What?
DAN: We can try harder.
DANA: Danny —
CASEY: We can.
DAN: Nobody needs to lose their job over this. We can try harder.
So Dana was quick to tell Casey to keep Dan in his seat with the network people, but in reality Dan and Casey are the ones who have to keep her in her seat. This meeting certainly did go differently than expected.
DANA: Let’s take five.
J.J.: Dana.
DANA: Please.
J.J.: We’re getting through these notes.
DANA: Do what you want, but for five minutes you’ll be talking to an empty room. Let’s take five.
Are you sure that’s a power play you want to attempt, Dana? Your anchors just defused a situation where you were basically about to lose your job, and now you’re essentially replanting the bomb by breaking the meeting like this. Altoona it is, I guess…
… unless?
SAM: Hey.
J.J.: Hey, Sam.
SAM: How’s it going?
J.J.: It’s going fine.
A cut from the conversation in the draft script:
DRAFT SAM: I just came in here to get some coffee.
DRAFT J.J.: There’s coffee at the craft service table.
DRAFT SAM: Hmm, not so much.
That had to get cut due to the craft service table gag’s getting cut, but it does as a result mean a Sorkinism has fallen by the wayside. You have (checks notes) 35 months until you see it resurrected — place your bets.
RETURNING Verbal Tic: Missed a name
Running count: 6
SAM: I’m sorry, is it Jim-Bob?
J.J.: J.J.
SAM: Really?
J.J.: Yeah.
SAM: I thought it was Jim-Bob.
This conversation has started off in an surreal manner…
RETURNING Verbal Tic: Walk with me
Running count: 4
SAM: Take a walk with me, will you?
J.J.: Where?
SAM: It’s a surprise.
(SAM leads them into the newsroom)
SAM: You guys know who Philo Farnsworth was?
J.J.: Philo Farnsworth?
SAM: Yeah.
J.J.: What’s going on?
SAM: He invented television. I don’t mean he invented television like Uncle Milty, I mean he invented the television in a little house in Provo, Utah, at a time when the idea of transmitting moving pictures through the air would be like me [sic] saying I figured out a way to beam us aboard the Starship Enterprise.
J.J.: Yeah, look, I —
SAM: He was a visionary. He died broke and without fanfare. The guy I really like, though, was his brother-in-law, Cliff Gardner. He said, “Philo, I know everyone thinks you’re crazy, but I want to be a part of this. I don’t have your head for science, so I’m not going to be able to help much with the design and the mechanics of the invention, but it sounds like you’re going to need glass tubes.”
BILLIE: J.J., I [don’t think there’s a —]
SAM: [You see, Philo] was inventing the cathode receptor and even though Cliff didn’t know what that meant or how it worked, he’d seen Philo’s drawing and he knew he was gonna need glass tubes — and since television hadn’t been invented yet, it’s not like you could get them at the local TV repair shop. “I want to be a part of this,” Cliff said. “I don’t have your head for science. How would it be if I were to teach myself to be a glass blower? And I could set up a little shop in the backyard and I could make all the tubes you’ll need for testing.”
Gee, that sounds like an interesting story. Someone should write a play about that!
SAM: I’ve looked over the notes you’ve been giving over the last year or so, and I have to say they exhibit an almost total lack of understanding of how to get the best from talented people.
Alright, we’ve reached our moment of truth — here Sam firmly establishes himself as an actual ally to our cohort of friends rather than the point of friction he’s been depicted as so far. However, a good deal further from Sam got cut here that I think deserves attention:
DRAFT SAM: I’ve also read pieces that Dan and Casey have published in magazines from Sports Illustrated to The New Yorker, and it’s hard for me to understand why anyone would want them to write like Keith or Kenny or Craig. We’re gonna ask Dan and Casey to write like Dan and Casey for a while, see if that doesn’t help us out.
DRAFT RAY: I don’t think it’s up to you to decide —
DRAFT SAM: Day to day creative decisions’ll be made by the show’s executive producer, Dana Whitaker. She’s the most capable and interesting producers [sic] I’ve met in live television and if she goes someplace else she’ll bury you.
DRAFT BILLY: Mr. Donovan —
DRAFT SAM: Her two chief associates could easily have the top spot on another staff. The crazy guy, Jeremy — if you asked him where he lived, I don’t think he could tell you within three streets. He never goes home. The brunette, Natalie? She prays before a show. She doesn’t know I’ve seen her, but I have. I think it’s nice, but she needn’t bother. There’s nothing anyone can do for her that she’s not capable of doing for herself.
Good lord, I’m actually kind of pissed that sequence got cut — it hammers home how Sam is definitely in our camp by, among other things, providing a massive contrast from his not being able to remember J.J.’s name by rattling off everyone else’s names. When it comes to Sam Donovan, you have to make him remember your nameforeshadowing detected — our heroes have achieved that goal where the network goons have not.
SAM: You said before that for whatever reason, I seem to be able to exert some authority around here. I assure you, it’s not ‘cause they like me. It’s ‘cause they knew two minutes after I walked in the door, I’m someone who knows how to do something. I can help. I can make glass tubes.
Ah, so that’s why he went into that lengthy anecdote! The analogy is a little faulty, perhaps, considering Cliff Gardner basically learned a new skill from scratch to help how he helped while Sam is tasked with doing what he’s already skilled in doing, but it makes for a heartwarming moment nonetheless.
NEW Dialogue Motif: Rededicate my life to ruining yours
SAM: One last thing — the first and last decision-making authority on this show will rest with Isaac Jaffee until Isaac Jaffee says otherwise, and if you disrepect him in my presence again, I will rededicate the rest of my life to ruining the rest of yours — and if you think I’m just mouthing at you, you should ask around about me. I have absolutely no conscience about these things.
J.J.: Sam, why did you bring us out here?
SAM: ‘Cause there’s the exit — that’s it. The meeting’s over. (leaves)
I suppose having Sam put on some sunglasses at the end wasn’t in the budget?
ISAAC: You should have said it in front of them.
SAM: It’s not what I do.
Maybe it should be!
SAM: I don’t have to like you, you don’t have to like me. I have two priorities. The first is getting from the beginning of the day to the end of the day without having a drink. The second is raising this show’s ratings to the point where it’s no longer in danger of what almost happened here today.
Oh, okay — where The West Wing has a man’s alcoholism as a continuing plot point, Sports Night has a man casually reference his alcoholism as a simple fact of life. The contrast is compelling, and in tandem the two choices serve to provide a more holistic view of alcoholism by looking at it from different angles. Whether that was intentional, of course, is another question, but it’s out there in the world either way.
RETURNING Dialogue Motif: Won’t make fool(s) out of you
Previous instance: Sports Night 117
SAM: Trust me — I won’t make fools out of you.
“What made you say that?”
“… Nothing, no reason.”
As I alluded to at the top, Mr. Sorkin pulled out a lot of his stops for this episode and it shows. The subplot of The Dating Plan™ is mercifully sidelined to make room for the considerably more meaty plotline of Sam Donovan and the network, which takes a welcome turn of placing Sam directly on the side of good. That turnaround coupled with the continuing reminder of work family as family makes for what I’d say is unequivocally the best episode of Sports Night to date. Here’s hoping the rest of the season lives up to the hype.
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